How to Have Phone Sex

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“How to have Phone Sex”. When you read that phrase, one of three thoughts will flash through your head.

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1. Never done it. Sounds fun.

2. Oooo yeah…really gets me going.

3. HELP! <Starts hyperventilating in major panic>

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It’s fair to say that the spontaneity and verbal dexterity required in phone sex can bring some of us out in a panic induced cold sweat. GASM is here to help. And if you’ve never done phone sex or you’re already a fan, here are some great tips for keeping things as hot as possible. In this GASM guide we’ll dive into the do’s and don’ts of remote erotic connection.

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Whether you're in a long-distance relationship, exploring new ways to connect with your sexual self, or simply spicing up your love life, phone sex can be pretty great. Let's walk through the steps to master phone sex and make your experience both memorable and enjoyable.

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A note on Zoom/Skype/Teams/Meets/Facetime/Whatsapp video etc etc:

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Video is now very much an important way of communicating. And clearly when we’re talking about phone sex, how and what a “phone” is has changed beyond recognition. Our advice at GASM is, if you’re new to phone sex, decide whether you want to start with voice only or do visuals as well. On the one hand, phone sex with audio only can focus your mind and imagination and reward you with an intense experience. On the other hand, “a picture paints a thousand words”. Sometimes you don’t have to say anything if your arousal and what you’re doing takes over. In short, video sex and phone sex are different, though related practices, and useful for different contexts. This guide is more focused on the audio sex side of things.

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What is Phone Sex?

Phone sex is the practice of verbally expressing sexual desires and fantasies over the phone, usually for the purposes of arousal and sexual entertainment. It's an intimate exchange where you and your partner share erotic thoughts, feelings, whilst talking about, and doing, sexy things. The beauty of phone sex is that it’s both imaginative and verbal; it’s as personal as you are and completely, (sometimes dauntingly) customizable.

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Setting the Scene for Phone Sex

Comfort and Privacy: This is an obvious one. You don’t want to be interrupted. You want to be somewhere private. Ideally, you’ll be somewhere comfortable and relaxing where you can unwind and express yourself physically and move around and be able to explore your body. Of course, there could also be something thrilling about talking dirty to a partner in a public space, but please remember to phone sex responsibly. 

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Set the Mood: Dim the lights, light candles, play music, basically do whatever you need to do to create an erotically charged environment. You want to create an atmosphere which feels sexual to you, even though you're on the phone.

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Dress the Part (Optional): Wearing something that makes you feel sexy or sexual will put you in the right mood, boost your confidence and set the scene, even if your partner can’t see you. Alternatively make dressing up a part of the phone sex itself.

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Relax and Get Comfortable: Feeling nervous is normal, especially if this is your first time. Take a few deep breaths, relax, and remember this is supposed to be fun and pleasurable. 

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Initiating the Conversation

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If you’re interested in having phone sex with your partner but don’t know how to broach the topic with them, why not share this article with them to get them talking.

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Consent and Boundaries: Make sure that both you and your partner are comfortable and willing to engage in phone sex. Sometimes phone sex can happen entirely spontaneously and without any prior discussion with partners. If that’s the case, fantastic. That can be super hot and the thrill of the unknown is a big one. However, be hyper aware of consent. If your partner gives any indication that they’re not comfortable or that they are withdrawing consent in any way, respect that, stop, check in and regroup. Alternatively, agree with your partner that you’re going to have phone sex, and before doing so discuss your boundaries and use this opportunity to talk about likes, dislikes, and fantasies. It can often be a good idea to do this at a different time or in a different medium (e.g. over text.)

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Start with Casual Conversation: Ease into things with a casual conversation. Once you’re both relaxed, you can start moving into more flirty, sensual topics.

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The Art of Verbal Seduction

Descriptive Language: Use descriptive and vivid language to paint a picture of what you’re doing or want to do. Be specific about where you’re touching or being touched and how it feels.

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Express Your Reactions: Don’t hold back on moans, heavy breathing, and verbal affirmations. Hearing your pleasure can be incredibly arousing for your partner. It’s a good idea to listen to where they’re at, as sounding like a porn star in the first minute of your phone sex while your partner is totally silent, might not have the effect you want…

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Ask Questions: Encourage your partner to share their actions and feelings. This is such a powerful way of keeping the back and forth going, and be sure that your partner feels empowered to ask you questions too. Go beyond the stone cold classic “what are you wearing?” and ask things which invite feedback or the next direction: “How does that feel?”, “What do you want me to do next?”

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TOPIC AREAS AND PROMPTS

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Here are some areas you can explore along with some prompts for inspiration:

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Praise your partner: You can talk about previous sexual encounters that you and your partner have had, you can talk about which specific parts of their body you are especially turned on by. You can say how much you love it when they do a specific thing. Some people get especially turned on when they are praised, a trait known in some circles as a praise kink.

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You’re so hot.

When you touch me, I get so distracted

Hearing you moan, gets me so hard

I can’t get enough of you.

[Also praise specific parts of your partners body, personality or erotic moves]

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Exploring Fantasies

Share Fantasies: Discuss your sexual fantasies and incorporate them into your conversation. It’s a safe way to explore scenarios that you might be curious about.

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I can’t believe we’ve only just met and now this is happening (a stranger fantasy) …

I’m totally under your control Mistress (a domination fantasy)...

Where shall we go to have sex (a sex in a public place fantasy)

You seem to have brought a friend to our date night (a threesome fantasy)

These ropes are so tight and hurt but it feels so good (a pain/bondage fantasy)

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Role Play: Experiment with role-playing scenarios to add an element of fun and creativity to your phone sex experience.

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Hello Doctor, I have a problem with my penis. It’s constantly hard. 

Now, you appear to not have done your homework for me this week. 

Madam, do you know how fast you were going back there? This is a serious situation.

Do you come to this bar often?

I’ve never visited a sex worker before… 

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N.B. Above are common role-play topics, but the world is literally yours; make sure the dynamics of the scene aligns with what your partner wants to explore and respect their boundaries too. Sometimes what we want to explore in a sexual context can be very different from our actual beliefs and ideals. This can be a source of shame for some, so it’s important to be open minded and accepting and understand that exploring something in a sexual context does not mean that someone's values are compromised.

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Guided exploration: Guide each other’s hands with your words. Describe where to touch, how fast, and how much pressure to use.

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I want to hear you describe how you'll undress me.

I love it when you whisper in my ear, can you do that for me now?

I wish you could kiss me there right now, just the way you know I love.

Tell me how you’d touch me there if you were here.

Can you moan for me, just like when we’re together?

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Building Up to Climax

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Pace Yourself: Build up the erotic narrative gradually. Tease and tantalize with your words to create anticipation.

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Keep going, that feels so good.

Where do you want me to go next?

But I’m not going to touch you just yet, unless you think you’ve been good enough?

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Aside from these general prompts, try to be specific about your narrative and the sexual world you’re creating. Each phone sex experience will be different so lean into that.

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Go with the flow: Sometimes you might not need to change direction or even to add much. Sometimes your brain might not know exactly where to go next. Don’t be afraid of agreeing by saying something like, “that’s pretty hot” or “me too” or “yes please.” The following prompts can be really helpful for continuing in a positive direction

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You’re making me very turned on.

What else do you want me to do to you?

Go on, tell me more.

I love hearing you talk like this.

I wish you were here right now.

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Climax Together: If both partners are comfortable, lead each other towards orgasm with your words, guiding each other with what feels good.

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I think I’m getting close, tell me where you’re at.

You’re doing so well, keep going.

That’s it. 

Let’s try and finish together.

Come for me.

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Depending on the scene if there’s something of a dominant or submissive dynamic you can try counting down to an orgasm. Bear in mind that this is typically more successful for men than women as the female orgasm can be a little more elusive, especially under the performative pressure of a countdown. 

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Aftercare

Post-Call Connection: Spend a few minutes after the call discussing your experience. Share what you enjoyed and what you might want to try next time.

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Plan the Next Call: If you enjoyed it, do it again.

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Conclusion

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Phone sex is an exciting way to bring your sex life into a new place. It requires trust, open communication, and a little dash of creativity. By setting the right atmosphere, communicating openly, and letting your imagination run wild, phone sex can be an incredibly fulfilling, exhilarating even. If you’re interested in exploring phone sex with your partner why not share this guide with them to initiate the conversation. Remember, the key to great phone sex is being present, responsive, and most importantly, having fun with it. So, relax, let go of your inhibitions, and enjoy the ride. 

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